I've obviously been on hiatus??????? TWO MONTHS SINCE I'VE POSTED THAT'S PRETTY BAD. I don't know I just couldn't get my self to write much of anyTHING ANYWHERE. I've been in a serious.......I don't know what to call it? Anyway, a lot as you can imagined has taken place in two months. I'm actually scheduled to go into surgery tomorrow, again for the 4 or 5 time. I'm really growing tired of having surgeries I'm ready to be normal now. For the last couple months I'd been having some awkard pains, along with some other weird stuff happening that I won't mention. I Finally decided to go back to the doctor and they told me that I'd developed a rather large cist in my uterus along with a new fibroid to accompany the others that seem to not want to go away. And I'm thinking okay God, I can really stand to see that miracle right about.....NOW. I thought I guess today isn't the the day that I find out everything has dissappeared and I am fine! I don't understand why I've had such difficulties in this area I've gone through so much. All I can do is believe God every step of the way and trust that this is for a greater purpose one that I will be glad to see the revelation of real soon. This is November and I'm expecting to be pregnant by the end of the year. I know I need a miracle, because with the doctors going in tomorrow and cutting me this could take my recovery into the time when I should be getting pregnant. I know God can do anything. I know that this is almost over. I've been really toughing it out and I believe Gods word when it says he won't put more on you than you're able to bare. I also hold fast to Romans 8:28, all things worked together for good, to them that love the lord, those that are called according to his purpose. I have no choice but to believe that all this is working out for my good. I've come too far in this faith walk and I can't afford to mess up now. I know God is honoring my faith and when this is finally over, when God finally reveals why I had to go through all of this for so long, it will be as though the pain I've gone through and the time I've waited was nothing at all.

PROMISE KEPT

Today's Monday and this morning I didn't get out of bed until a half hour before I'm scheduled to leave for work! "Great", I tell my self. Not a good way to begin my week. Immediately I began to feel a tired and mundane spirit fall on me. In my mind, I'm thinking another Monday, another week, Lord help me I just want to stay at home. As I rush to get ready with only 10 minutes of prayer on my knees, I shook my head in disappointment, and then hurried out the door. As I backed out of my garage and began rushing up the street I looked up and notice that from one end of the sky to a point directly in front of me was the biggest, brightest, prettiest rainbow I had seen in a long time! "WoooooW, that's beautiful" I thought, while smiling, and waiting at the Red light. I paid more attention to this Rainbow today, more than I ever had in the past. There were three colors only, but very wide; the colorswere Blue, Mauve and Yellow. As I continued to study the rainbow, I couldn't help but think how alive God is! I could've stayed at that red light little longer, because the rainbow had transformed my entire mood! I could not stop smiling as I focused on it. I began to remember the promise that God made to all man kind after the floods of Noah that he would never distroy the earth by water again, and said to them he would put a bow in the sky as a reminder of this promise! How long ago was That? We are talking a promise made in the beginning of time, and God is still keeping that promise, even though many people don't appreciate it or even notice,God still keeps this promise. And that's good news any day of the week! Even on a Monday.

SHOW UP!

It is the first rule of thumb, In everything. We can't expect that anything will begin, be finished, or be successful if we don't show up! I was reading in Chicken soup for the Soul (The writers version)and a particular writer gave five rules of becoming a successful writer. They were SHOW UP, pay attention, tell your truth, do your best, and don't be attached to the outcomes. I thought these were all awesome and very true. However, I needed to direct most of my attention at this time to the first rule. SHOW UP!

We can talk about success and we can know exactly what to do, but none of it counts unless we actually do it, and in order to do it, We must first SHOW UP. We must keep our appointments; with ourselves, with others, and most importantly with God! And I'm not talking about hitting and missing, but every morning that you have strength and health in your body. Because it is consistency in showing up that will take you to your expected end, your Prize!

No worries, No responsiblites, No cares, No Time Keeping, Just Livin!

It's about that time again. (FAMILY VACATION, 2005 cruise)

PUSH IT!

Sweat pouring...Legs burning...Mouth wide open.....Oh my God I am SO tired! "PUSH IT, COME ON LETS GO, PUSH THROUGH IT" our instructor yells keep moving, don't drop it!'' I am pushing (I think), as hard as I can! (How is this woman 5 months pregnant and killing us?) As I looked into the intensity of her eyes and watched the stroke patterns of her feet and the up and down movement of her upper body I realized there was another level that she had found and she was able to rest in it. And I thought, if I'm ever going to get there I have to Push it! As I dug down deep I had to forget about my pain,that burning I felt that cried out "STOP GIRL!" I had to reach deep down into my spirit and my soul and pull out supernatural strength. It was no longer physical but Mental and Spiritual. Once I did this, I realized I had power I knew not of. "Wow! This is working" I'm a mad woman nothings slowing me down! I mean once I got into this "Push it" zone not only was I able to keep moving but I was able to keep up and match the instructors every move! I felt like I could conquer anything, I was on the bike directly in front of her and I stared her down as she yelled, "push through it, come on lets go!" and I was not intimidated, I thought "bring it on Baby", I got this. I felt pain.. But it did not matter I was looking for that prize of "Overcoming" Overcoming what? EVERYTHING!!! I didn't even want to get up that morning, I almost didn't make it out of bed, My stomach was cramping and aching, my chest was sore, not to mention other things that had me feeling beat down and tow up. But it didn't matter that I was hurting(that day). I had to prove to my self before I even got in that Spin class, that I could "Push It!" And Push through it I did. I learned that day that in all things I must stay in the fire, and let it burn because the more the fire burns, The more powerful, I become!

WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?

How much is enough? You pray, You encourage, You sacrafice, You pray some more, you encourage some more. But still they can't make it. Why can't I or anyone else get through to them. Why don't they used the power of God that dwells on the inside of them for strength. (could be that its malnourished? but whose fault is that?) It seems hopless and yet I know there's nothing too hard for God. I have my own things that I need to excel in, that I need to work on, that I need to perfect in God. I'm working out my own soul salvation with fear and trembling and it seems I'm never doing enough. (Our church is on the very brink of something super glorious) We don't have time for Satan, so we must fight! "Bare ye one anothers burdens" is at the force front of my mind. It doesn't matter how long, it doesn't matter how intense that help needs to be. I am commanded to treat the burdens of my brother or Sister in Christ as my own. (Lord, I must keep my self built up because its so hard especially when they seem to be compassing that same mountain over and over again, and I just thinkg What Else? Why can't they just get it? But I can't give up on them, I know they love God and I want to see them make it, But what else can I do differently? What else? Well, the more I think about it, there's a lot more I can do, I can dedicate an entire prayer session only for them....I can cry out as if it was my own soul at stake.....I can set aside a fast only for them and watch God do the rest Because the fact is we're no body's saviour, we can only do what God commanded us to do and hope...

BOY ARE WE GETTING GUTSY!


For the first time in my life ever, along with 13 other close friends and family members, I tried out for a GAME SHOW! Boy what an experience! Its amazing the things you "never" think of doing until someone challenges you to do so, and once you've done it you wonder why you hadn't tried it sooner? We cheer on other contestants and other peoples families from our living rooms while watching your favorite game show. We're praying, hoping and wishing that they go home with as much as money and prizes as possible! We're excited, frustrated and disgusted depending on the outcome as though we know these people personally! If they make a mistake or display no common sense we say "Boy he or she is dumb, how could they make such a horrible mistake" If that were me I would've done much better!" We judge the people and the show but never really consider auditioning for the shows ourselves. To most every day citizens its fairy tail land, just entertainment for us. We either don't have time, don't know how to go about it, or think "oh I'll never make it" But, every since I served as a supporter on deal or no deal for my sister-n-law as well as trying out for this New game show on Fox, I think completely different when I'm watching these shows. Its a lot harder than it looks at home! There is so much pressure and nervousness that sometimes you can't even think as you usually would. Things that you know you know, just seem to leave your mind!!!!!!!! Because there's actually a real risk on the line. You aren't risking anything at home in your living room, you're not under any pressure to lose or win more money???? So of course its easier for you to make a decision! But let me tell you. When I went to the first audition on Saturday I experienced a feeling like no other. I gained a new respect for people who try out for these shows, make it, and do well! As I began to go through the first round of auditions I was nervous because, I didn't know what to expect? I'M THINKING I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M AT AN audition?? FOR ANYTHING? THIS IS WEIRD! I knew no matter what I did or said, it was up to them. They knew what they were looking for and they had to see that in me. So what are they looking for? If I didn't learn anything else from my ambitious game show hopping, always making a television debut, Sister Cheryl Jackson, I learned that producers love people who are excited! They love people with personality and passion!PRAISE THE LORD, I'M IN LUCK, I'VE BEEN NATURALLY BLESSED WITH AN EXCITING PERSONALITY!!!!! : )))) Now, how much or how little I show was the question? So, I think... "I don't want to go into overkill and they think I'm insane and I don't want to hold back either as to short change my self(that would make me feel really bad).
So what do I do? Child, I didn't figure that out until I was standing directly in front of these people asking me to Go! And when it was over they told me they would be calling me back for round Two!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy... It worked! I can't believe it, it worked. CJ knows what she's talking about(here resume is obvious). At the round two audtions on Sunday, I was not as nervous. I went in there being who Chan was at the ceiling of her excitement, I didn't whole anything back! I was my self, when I'm really excited? And I shared with them as much as I could think of while being put on the spot. (and if they didn't like that it was going to be too bad because that's who I was and it was all I knew to give considering the lateness of the hour)But they were laughing and they seemed to like me, so I felt good about the audtion. Later My Sister Cheryl told me I did an awesome job and they did really like me. I felt even better, and thought WOW, even if I don't make it I did it and it went well! Yes! Because of this experience I don't think I'll ever be afraid to try anything else. Thanks SIS! (STAY TUNED FOR PARTS TWO,THREE,FOUR, AND MAYBE FIVE)! BECAUSE THEY'VE ALREADY SENT MY CRAZY HUSBANDS AUDTION TAPE, AND MY CRAZY FRIENDS AUDITION TAPE TO LA, AND ITS BEING VIEWED BY THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our Church, Our Charity, Our Friends and Family could be very Rich in the next couple of months!!!!!!!!! Go God, Go!!!!!!!!

LET THEM DO THEIR JOBS!

These truly are the last days, people are getting weary, or tired should I say of waiting on God. Their tired of doing things his way, and what he's ordained for their lives. They've received his blessings in the past they've testified of his greatness, because it was evident that it was through no strength of their own. But when times got hard, when trials came to prove them for too long they wanted out, they stopped believing and begin to point the finger. At who you ask? Everyone both themselves and especially at God's messengers. We've always lived in a world where people won't take responsibility for themselves. I'm getting sick and tired of people blaming their Pastors for their own spiritual down falls. When people are on the mountain top spiritually and everything seems to be going their way, God and his leader can do no wrong. They constantly sing the praises of the church because things are going pretty good for them, or even okay. But take heed when a man's spiritual state begins to go dim, they no longer feel the need to testify, they are negative, or even non responsive in services, they've forgotten all the things that God has done for them. They've forgotten the words of prophecy from the leaders that have gone forth and come true , now all of a sudden nothings right. Nothings true, every thing's a lie, because they can't get their way. All of a sudden its the leaders fault, that they can't make it. They even start to doubt that God's word is true. The more the Leader delivers the word the more they despise it and its messanger, and they begin to find fault in everything they do. This ministry that they've grown under, the ministry that they've been delivered under and taught the real word of God under, even understood it and saw it work in their lives; all of a sudden it doesn't' make sense anymore, and they come to the conclusion that this can't be true. Its not effective for them because their vision is abscured through faithless eyes! How dare you?!!! You who are guilty of this, You can't deny what you've experienced in a Holy and God fearing church. Nothing can take your experience away from you, but Satan if you listen to the lies that he plant in your minds. You can't deny what you've received from God or his leaders. It is not our job to decide what our Pastor is or isn't doing right. God's job is to Judge our Pastors, our job is to follow and obey. Of course no one is bound if a leader is not teaching holy living according to God's word. But you know the Gospel that is being taught has sent deliverance in your lives, your growth has been tremendous in times past. God has elevated you and put you in a place that you could not have gotten on your own. But because you've neglected your soul, everything is the leaders fault, "Oh if they would just do their jobs then I could serve God freely!"(you say) What have you been doing all this time?? Hush up! And let them do their jobs, you have your own job to do. Did God call you to be a Pastor? Has he given you this flock? If not, then do your own job, and let the Pastor do theirs because on Judgment day, you'll only be required to give an account for yourself and the Leader its congregation. God will judge his leaders. If you find that you are finding more fault in your ministry, always seeking to change something that just isn't right, Start searching yourself to see what's different inside of you. Turn that pointed finger where it should be, and take it off your leader if you know your leader to be Good, Holy, and one that loves God and his people! Stop blaming them and let them do what God called them to do.

I'LL MAKE IT...BECAUSE OF WHO HE IS

HARD/HEART ISSUE

Difficult Heart Issue:

I struggled some with what to name this entry, because I knew due to my own frustrations and confusion I could end up all over the place. I can't believe I'm even recording this in this blog because it’s really personal and I don't want to be judged wrongly for what I may say. But I've got to get it out, it may shed some light or help someone else find common ground in different areas of their life. So here goes!

I'm becoming very frustrated and very confused as to why My husband and I have not received our promise Child or Children yet? I know that some promises take longer than others and that there would be no need for faith if everything came to us as quickly as we asked or as quickly as it was promised. But waiting on the conception and the birth of these kids is really starting to become tiresome.(for me anyway) Darius and I have been married for almost 10 years and to my knowledge I have not once been pregnant. Sure, I know naturally speaking what problems could have prevented that. I've known for a while.

I'm a strong believer in what God can do! Nothing is too hard for him and if he can impregnate a virgin and send strength and conception to the womb of a 90 year old woman??? Come on? Why wouldn't I believe that he can bless me to conceive with NO HELP FROM THE DOCTORS. W hich is what I want more than anything. So I believe, which is all we're asked to do. Now, then there's the enduring faith, that long-suffering faith that says no matter how long it takes I'm gonna wait on the Lord. I feel I've done that, I've strengthen my self time and time again, I've stayed busy in the ministry, I've rejoiced with every single couple in that church that has had children and was not jealous, I was genuinely happy for them. I haven't worn out my Pastor with countless counseling sessions of why, why, why, and what's taking so long? I've just waited and talked with my spouse about it.

I convince my self that "Its just not my time yet, God's time is best and it is going to be something greater than what anyone could imagine" So I busy my self in the ministry and wait. Of course every single month when I get that awful visitor I'm reminded that the clock ticks on......Then God remembers me in various services and reminds me through our prophet that I will conceive and it will be soon! I am revived again!!! And then more time passes by and I think "that's okay…our timing is not his timing"...Then I get another reminder from the Prophet… Not many days hence and you will be giving us that testimony and I think yes! Here it comes, but also I’m thinking in the back of my mind.. "How many days from hence is that?" because not only am I waiting, others are watching me as well and asking me every other month. Anything yet? As they glance down at my belly? And I spin off my famous line, "You won't have to ask trust me." So I hold on to the words of the prophet, and the days of soon grow wider and wider. I think Lord how many days is soon to you? I know our timing is not the same but if you could at least give me big clue. I'm 31 years old. I have a lot of things going on in my life, and I deal with a lot. Sometimes I think well "Maybe you just aren't ready for kids, and God knows this better than I do?" Then I say, well thank you Lord and I press on. But then I do the big NO NO and say "well that couldn't be it, look at everyone else, they surely weren't ready for kids either and that didn't stop God from giving them children?" Then I shake my self once more and say, “God is a just God, He can't Lie.” He has no favorites.

“It must be us?” “We must be doing something to prolong this thing?” So I pray diligently and truthfully as I know how. I ask God to reveal if it’s us, and I hear nothing! Not from Him in my spirit or from our Pastor regarding that. So, I am definitely confused. I have no idea what's going on. I know these kids are coming but when? I look at the news and there is horror all around. Wars, horrible murders, unthinkable homicide acts, I mean everything the bible predicted would happen in the end times are happening right now! And on one hand I'm like "who wants to raise kids in this horrible world?"
And I think how long will I have my children 2, 6, 10 years? This world is so wicked, I feel he’s going to show up any day now?” But then I find my self still wanting my children. I feel that no matter how short the time I would've still experienced being a Mother to by-products of the love Darius, and I share for each other.

So as you can see I am in and out of weariness regarding this issue. I don't' know what to think, I'm confused at times, because I don't know how much longer, but I'd rather forget about it and be surprised, but that's hard to do considering the monthly reminders when I don't conceive. I could go to the doctors month after month and try to make something happen for my self but I really want to see God put those kids in there without me having to use infertility treatments, and I’d rather not deal with the stress that comes with that.

So if there’s anyone reading this that can get a prayer through to God pray for me! Sure I'm alright, I'm still happy, I'm a joyful person but for those moments of weakness I need someone else to be praying for me, besides me!

COME ON...DO IT FOR ME!


Our Pastor has been speaking a lot lately on becoming a servant. In this world the title "Servant" comes with a lot of negativity. No one wants to be seen as a servant or to be associated with lowliness, but they want to be seen as a high roller or some one of great status. Unfortunately, in America servants are not treated as they should be, in most cases they're looked down on because they choose to serve or maybe its the only job they can find at the time. But how blind are we? I was reading In the book of Genesis where Rebecca took it upon her self to serve an out of town King. And not only did she serve him she started serving the Camels he rode in on! Because of this act the King didn't see her are some lowly servant girl that was good for nothing but that. He didn't ask her to do this, and went why out of her way to serve him. This spoke very loud about her character and it proved that she was a very strong Woman. To be Humble means to be submissive, and in order to be submissive means you are a strong person. Because you are in control of your emotions and your flesh and many people can't say that. Unfortunately in America, and I"m sure in some other countries if you submit it sends the message of weakness or fear but this is not always the case! Anyone can lash out, anyone can degrade others to make themselves feel better anyone can boast or flaunt! But it takes a strong and kind person to be a submissive and to serve. Jesus showed this same kindness with his disciples when he offered to wash their feet. They forbid him to do it because of who he was but Jesus insisted. He said it is necessary that I wash your feet. I'm setting an example, what I do for you, you do for each other and he also told them they could have no part with him, if he did not do this! Needless to say they quickly had a change of heart. I'm beginning to learn more and more that what we do for others we do for God. It will be much easier for us to serve if we count it as a deed done unto the Lord. Now some people are easy to serve because they are sweet,caring, and giving, they have a great attitude.. so its not hard for most of us to serve people like this. But there are going to be people that we loathe serving because they expect it and look down on us for doing it. But I can hear God "saying come on! Can you not do it for me!" "I am the person that died for you, the person that is giving you eternal life, the person that's forgiven you time and time again. I love you, do it for me" And in seeing God and not the person so much, I believe we can be victorious. This will also help us to see people as God sees them. We are to love everyone as Christs does. By serving people it will help us to witness and minister to them, and even save some through our service. We probably can't see all the benefits, that serving others may have. But I know its doing us more good than we know! I'm convinced that it builds character, love, humility, and the ability to yield. Serving puts us in a greater light than we may realize and when we do it as unto the Lord, we can have joy in it! I pray daily that God helps all of us sto become natural Servants, because this is pleasing to Our Lord and Saviour...

I'm sorry, I know i've backslidden from writing into this blog. I've been very busy plus this blogger account has been acting strange I forgot my username and it won't allow me to change it. uggggggggh so frustrating! I'm tired I'll talk more tomorrow!

IT'S GETTING SERIOUS.......


OH MY GOSH, I KNOW. IT'S been a long time since I've written anything. Not that I haven't had anything to write,think through, or to pick apart. Its just been so much that Child.... I just didn't know where to begin. But If I dont know anything its time out for being passive. I never asked, or wanted to be a leader. I never expected to be called to be a Minister. I just wanted to live a good clean saved life. It was all very scary and overwelhming in the beginning and sometimes it still is. I love to talk, but to be getting up in front of a group of people talking and them expecting, listening and waiting on you to say something that's going to hit the nail on the head for them? That's another story that is pressure and responsibility. And in life if there's something that we prefer not to do because we think its not us. We just quit and try something else! But when God calls you, we can't run. Because no matter what you do you're going to either BE the successful Minister, or you're going to BE The Called Minister that was never chosen . Either way you still get judged as a Minister and not a lay member? I'd say that's pretty tough. Life is so hard and boy sometimes you just want to whine yourself through it, but the fact is, it does nothing but waste time and irritate the heck out of those around you because they don't want to hear it. People have their own problems and frustrations and they are looking for someone to shine a little happiness or light on them. A weak person is despised, not listened to and they are not respected. If we're going to be anybody in God, and of any use to anyone we're going to have to take care of business. And right now I am so motivated to just "do" instead of talking. God is watching and he's about to make a serious move. I can feel it and I can't miss this! I won't miss it!

Anniversary

This week my husband and I celebrated our 9 year wedding anniversary. I really can't beleive its been that long, it doesn't feel like it. We've had so much fun and we've learned so much about each other. I love my husband so much and I thank God that he didn't see me with anyone else but him. We've been through so many things in these 9 years and the way God has blessed us to make it through is just amazing and we know it was only him. It didn't take us long to learn how one another ticked and from our 2nd year on we made it our business to treat one another with respect and love. We'
ve had a really good marriage. And I know what helped us is that we learned in the first year that we were on the same team, that we have nothing to prove to each other, and we learned to surrender to each other and God. In a relationship when two people seek to obey God and please him everything else falls in place. There's is no way that you're being obedient to God when you're holding grudges and continue to build more grudges on top of that in a marriage.Also we learned to respect each other, I think we can get to non chalant when it concerns our spouses and everthing becomes too common. But it just shouldn't be that you're going to give someone that you don't share your bed with every night more respect than your spouse. This is the person you loved enough to make a vow before God with! Respect is very important and we should consider how it would make us feel to be disrespected. Darius and I have had our disagreements and arguements but we never let them take root and grow. We deal with everything as it comes and then we moved on to the things in our lives that are more important. Thank you some much God for blessing us to grasp the basic concept of what a real marriage should consist of.

YOU BETTER DO SOMETHING...OR YOU'LL NEVER GET WHAT YOU WANT!

WOW! WE ARE NOW INTO THE SECOND QUARTER OF 2006! Time is definitely not waiting on any of us, and if anything it seem to be in fast forward. I had a lot of goals set for the first quarter of this year, a few of them(including one major goal) did not get accomplish. Ugggggggggggggh! I get so frustrated with myself sometimes. I want to blame some of this on lack of finances but I'm tired of excuses regardless of how legitiment they may be? So what, I don't have the money I think I need to get something accomplished. I'm sure if I took the time to be more creative or worked harder in some areas or maybe even prayed the right prayers these things would've gotten accomplished. God has proven that he does not need "money" to work, even though we continue to act like nothing can be done unless we have tons of it. Don't get me wrong money is good, we do need money, its very convenient, however we can cripple ourselves and flush our dreams down the toilet if and when we decide we can't do a thing because we don't have the funds. This excuse can keep a person a bay for their entire life! And if you let it, it will cause you to never do anything. Because the truth is even when you get money, you'll find a need for even more money! There's always something bigger or greater that we push for and in most cases money would make it a lot easier to accomplish. But I am convinced that I better do something regardless of how much money I don't have because time and life is not worried about what my excuses are. Time has one single command from God and that is to keep going! God require things of us, our life demand certain things of us, our family, friends and circumstances all require that we "get it done" and at the end of the day, week, month, or year no excuse will hold up if we don't. I've learned this if nothing else, all the details of a thing doesn't matter as much as the final result.... did you fail or did you succeed, bottom line! It's time that we all do something to become what we've always dreamed of being and what God has equipped us to be for him, because if we continue to wait on "The right time" i.e. when its more convient or we have more money, we're going to live and die with regrets!

IN THE DARK

Satan, our enemy, is always working. He seeks, He roams, He accuses, he attacks, he lies, and fear is his prized vehicle. It didn't take long for the enemy to attack my husband and I in the midst of our newest blessing. Darius and I moved in with no problems and were already in love with our spacious and homey surroundings. After having a wonderful weekend in the house, We realized Monday evening that our electricity was turned off? It took a while for me to catch on because it was still day light outside, but after the oven wouldn't turn on I thought wait a minute its awful still in this house? I called my husband and of course he was baffled because he'd taken care of this a month in advance with the electric company to make sure something like this would not happen. Upon contacting them, we found out they needed a large deposit(which wasn't told to us when we set it up)but my Husband thought whatever, we want our electricity back on so he paid it immediately over the phone, only to find out that it didn't matter! It was going to take them 3 days to have our electricity turned back on. We tried everything to get them to move on that policy but nothing worked and when the dust settled we had to go through. What a damper the enemy was trying to place on our blessing. The sun had gone down and it was growing dark quickly. The food in our fridge was starting to get warm, we had to pack it all up and drive it down our friends house. I could see the frustration and disappointment all over my husband. He had been looking forward to and so excited about moving in. He had been elated all weekend. He's a definite home body and this definitely had him in bad mood. I figured I wouldn't make it worse by continuing to accuse him of not handling things right. That night one of our close friends offered for us to stay with them for 3 days so we wouldn't have to be in the Dark, and we were taking him up on his offer. (It felt good to have options.) But as we waited for his wife to answer the door bell and her phone we realized, We should be in our home lights or no lights! What were we doing, I thought as we waited? We were letting Satan chase us out of our new house and running from the dark. We both are Ministers and we're suppose to be leaders in the Church and it just didn't feel right to be running from something like this. We'd only have to do without lights, central heat, and cold drinks(smile) I told my husband that we should leave and he quickly agreed. We both got back in our cars and started back to our new home. As we approached our street and turn the corner the house looked Darker than ever! But we sucked it up and walked in. Everything was still, and kind of cold we lit candles immediately and began to smile. This isn't that bad, I thought, however it was little inconvenient(our smoke doctors went crazy because we had so many candles lit) this world is filled with inconveniences and this one wasn't going to kill us. I began to see so much in the Dark, Satan had convinced us for a brief moment that we weren't going to be able to enjoy our blessing without lights and tried to rain on our entire move in experience, this had even delayed the unpacking of our things! But I'm happy to report that by the second day My husband and I were laughing and cracking jokes and it felt good just being together and in our new home, even in the dark it was still beautiful. Thank God we have a great relationship. We talked more, look through sales papers, talked with our friend & business partner who was still trying to unpack our things by candle light.(we love him he's so dedicated) We also went to bed earlier! And Every morning we woke up early praising and glorifying God "in the Dark." In the Dark he taught us that some trials aren't always as bad as the fear we may have of them. So while I was in the dark I learned that I didn't have anything and that with God nothing is as bad as it could be and that I don't have to be sad. I learned that being in the right attitude makes everything better! This is going to sound strange but I thank God that he allowed us to be in the Dark because without that experience we would not know, what we know now!

A SECOND CHANCE
OH MY GOSH SO MUCH HAS TAKEN PLACE! MY SPOUSE AND I HAVE BEEN IN THE MIDDLE OF AN AWESOME TRANSITION. FINALLY AFTER 3 1/2 YEARS HE'S BLESSED US TO GET BACK INTO A HOME. LIFE THREW US, AS DID MANY AT THAT TIME, SOME PRETTY BIG DISAPPOINTMENTS. AFTER PURCHASING A 220,000 HOME AND PURCHASING TWO UTILITY VEHICLES MY HUSBAND'S EMPLOYER OF 9 YEARS WENT BANKRUPT AND WENT OUT OF BUSINESS! (And I had put in a 2 week notice that was coming swiftly to a close). My husband was convinced he'd find work making the same amount of money soon, so he told me it was okay to leave my notice in place. But what we both thought and were so confident would happen did not. He was out of work for about a year. We lost our first home one of our utility vehicles and maybe a little bit of faith. We were so confused and wasn't sure why God allowed us to lose so much when we were confident he'd let us keep it because of the way we'd gone through and believed. Our credit at this point was pulverised! And we didn't know if we'd even qualify for an apartment at this point. But God stepped up immediately and gave us favor with a Towne home owner that could relate to our situation and didn't care about our credit. Praise the Lord it was a great new start and this would give us a chance to work on our credit. We lived their a year and 1/2 not knowing when we'd build up enough interest and whatever else we needed to try and get another house. But the time did finally come and GOD, yes in spite of credit he blessed us again to get into A $200,000 home that we absolutely adore! WOW, GOD WILL NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME!

I'VE GOTTA BE...


WHAT HE SAYS I AM AND WILL BE. IN THE PAST I'VE WONDERED, WHAT DOES HE SEE IN ME. I DON'T CRAVE THE SPOT LIGHT, NEITHER DO I HAVE TO HAVE AN AUDIENCE. I JUST WANT TO ALWAYS DO A GREAT JOB AND MAKE HIM PROUD ME, I REFUSE TO BE THAT TREE. YOU KNOW THE ONE, THAT'S GIVEN A PERFECT HEAD START..TALENT, A GREAT FOUNDATION, RESOURCES, SUPPORT..EVERYTHING IT NEEDS TO MAKE IT AND BECOME EVERYTHING IT WAS CREATED TO BECOME, BUT STILL REFUSE TO BLOSSOM FOR GOD. HOW DISAPPOINTING, HOW USELESS! I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW GOD MUST FEEL ABOUT US SOMETIMES. BUT OH NO, THAT WON'T BE ME. I'VE GOTTA BE WHAT GOD WANTS ME TO BE! SOMETIMES IT GETS HARD BUT NOTHING LIKE THIS EVER COMES EASY. I MUST WORK HARD, I MUST STAY FOCUS I MUST BE DILIGENT.

TIS SO SWEET!


Ahhhhhh, these past two days I've enjoyed some of most delicious and unique deserts that has been a blessing to my soul.Yes, that's right something as simple as cake was a blessing. I think sometimes we can get so busy that we forget to enjoy the simple things that God put in this world for us to have. For the first time in my life I tasted a chocolate Kahlua cake. Oh my Goodness! One of my friends wanted to be nice and bought me the cake because I'd been at work by myself all morning (its a small office and can get kind of boring if no one is there)When he presented it to me I thought oh my God this cake looks great! But I was a little reluctant because it had Kahlua in it.(I thought this cake looks soooo good, and I hope it hasn't been ruined by Kahlua(which I've always known to be a type of alcohol) It was chocolate with white cream cheese icing drizzled in caramel and chocolate syrup,Kahlua sauce and sprinkled with Chocolate toffee chips! And on top of that it was a little Warm Ummmmm-um! This cake smelled absolutely divine and the taste, indescribable all I can say is it was ON! I hadn't ate lunch yet, and those who know me, know I won't eat an entire desert before I eat lunch. Well let me tell you that cake was so good, I didn't contemplate long on what I was going to do, that cake was gone in minutes(I had a little help, but still I ate the majority). As my friend and I devoured the cake we thought WOW! God is so awesome to bless us to have taste buds that could taste so many different flavors simeoutaneously! It was a wonderful experience ALLVI could think toward the end of that desert is, "I can't believe I shunned Kahlua cake all this time, I can't wait to enjoy another piece, and I will take my own "sweet time" eating it!!!!!!!

SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS.....

Being misunderstood for most of us is one of the biggest fears we can face. Think about it. How did you feel the last time someone took something you spoke as straight foward as you could, and turn it into the complete opposite? If you're anything like me you were probably shocked or baffled. Usually my thoughts are, what other way could I have said this to make them understand? Am I the one crazy? So in future conversations we try our best to be clear in what we're saying while explaining and elaborating the heck out of a simple situation. We don't want one sentence to be taken out of context so what should've bee 2 minute conversation easily turns into 10(and God forbids if they show they aren't receiving what we're saying well)! We could all use more discernment and wisdom when talking to some people. There's only so much we can control. The bottom line is we can't control what people think. You may be able to get through to some,but with most people they're going to think what they want no matter how much explaining you do. So why do we continue to try and hedge every sentence?

Why can't we just come right out and say whatever it is we want to say and leave it at that. One of the reasons is because we don't want to give the other person a chance to form a negative thought or comment about it. It's some what of a defense mechanism. We try to figure out what the person may be thinking or about to say , and we'll try to head them off with adding a tag line. I am so guilty of this! And I REALIZE... I WASN'T ALWAYS THIS WAY! I use to say what I meant and however they wanted to take it, was on them? I didn't let it bother me. But that begin to cost me so much headache and frustration. Things would come back to me the complete opposite of what I said or meant. And I must admit most of the misunderstandings could've been from the tone of my voice or a crazy facial expression.

Those things communicate more to people than the actual words that are coming out of our mouths. I know I have this problem I'm very expressive and most things show up on my face, but does not always tell the entire story. So over the years its just been easier for me to try over explain what I really mean so people won't be hurt or get the wrong impression. But I've realized lately that this is not necessary, I could be sending an even deeper message to the listener by over explaining and giving reasons for everything. And quite frankly I'm growing tired of doing this.

From now on I will practice saying what I mean as straight forward as possible with love and wisdom. And let the other person do with it what they will because no matter how much I say, I can't fully control how they receive the words that are coming out of my mouth.

TODAY, I CHOOSE!
Today, I choose to be who God made me, and not what everyone else expects or would prefer I be. I choose to be content with the life God gave me and to make the best of the choices that I've made for myself. We all choose a certain path for our lives and after sometime has passed we wonder if we've made the wrong choice because things aren't going the way we'd prefer them to go. Some choices we make aren't always that easy to back out of our turn around & we just have to learn to deal. Now, there's nothing wrong with striving for greatness and wanting to go higher. But when that thing consumes your mind and makes you disgusted, and depressed over what you currently are? That just isn't healthy. We are what we are? And as long as we know we're living each day to the fullest and doing all we know to do to make live a honest and Godly life, we should be content with ourselves and happy with our lives.
Many of us are poor, some very rich, a handful of us are well off or comfortable, and plenty are barely making it. Its just the way the world is.
ButI thank God it's not our final resting place! I thank God that he's preparing an eternal home in heaven for all of us to live,(that choose him) one that is so beautiful and regal we could not dream up a better place!
Here on earth every one wants to be rich and successful as the world views wealth and success. But everyone wont be? That's just the bottom line. We all need to be happy with what our lots are in this life and strive everyday to live it to the fullest and praise God for all the surprises and blessings he does send our way.
Today, I choose to live and be happy!

Welcome!
Today we received into the world our newest family member. Our Brother and Sister had to wait 7 long years before they were able to conceive and bring forth their first child and he was definitely worth the wait. He is just adorable, and we love him so much already. God is so faithful. He promised the parents 4 years ago that their little boy would be here, and too look upon his face was just like wow. It's really encouraging to see promises being fulfilled in the lives of our fellow brothers and sisters because it gives the rest of us that are waiting so much hope.

What brings me Joy???
I know the things that makes me feel fulfilled. So,If I know what those things are? why am I not as consistent as I should be in pursuing those things? Everyday I plan to do things I know I'm responsible for, but sometimes(for a lot reasons) I don't always get to them. There is so much to do and so little time to do it in. But if I could just prioritize and make the time to atleast start working on a thing, I know I will have a productive day. And for the most part today, was one of those days! Yes! It makes me feel so good when I study the word of God and get out it what I know I should get from it. Things that I never fully understood become so clearer and more intriguing so much so, that its hard to tare myself away!
If we want to be successful in God, we're gonna have to ask for a deeper love. For everything that he loves! The Love of God's word, his people, and his Ministry must be our treasur. Because whatever we deem as treasure will be closest to our hearts and whatever is closest to our hearts we give the most attention to.
Today, I asked God for his help in another ministry project and he exceeded what even I expected. I thought boy I am on a role, thank you God! And all because I sat down and got started, and was diligent. I know what brings me Joy, its being a good stewart over what God gave me, making good use of my time and talents, being responsible for whatever projects God has trusted me with. I love Learning new things that will benefit the ministry and my personal growth & fulfillment. All it takes for me to get this on a daily basis is to get up and get started??
Now, don't misunderstand me. I have a lot of productive days; not a day goes by when I'm not doing something ministry wise, I'd be in constant disobedience and neglect if I were not. But I know it could be so much greater, there is so much to do so much to learn, and so little time to do it in. I thank God for every new day that I get because every new day is one more opportunity for me. Time is moving so fast and sometimes I feel so behind, I can't afford to have very much idle time. The enemy,(Satan) knows if he could get me distracted I'm not going finish what I started.
Distractions are actually a problme for most of us. It is the biggest trick in the book! Satan will get you all wrapped up in other things that really could wait, things that don't matter and before you know anything your day is gone!Procrastination and Piddling will Kill our day,we must be consiouis of the time in our day. Time is not ours to waste we're all required to give account of ourselves to God. I didn't accomplish everything I planned to do today, but I did knock out a big chunk of it, because I got started. And that is all any of us have to do, We must get moving and especially when we don't feel like it! All God is asking, is for us to take the first step out of idleness or carnality, and if we trust what he's trying to do for us, we will have sweet success!

Life reveals something new to us everyday. We never really arrive, we're constantly learning and that's one of the things that keeps life interesting for me. I remember when I turned 18 years old, and 19 and then 20, and I'd say hey, I'm grown. "I know a thing or two about life" But looking back, now at the age of 31, I realize I didn't know much of nothing! There's so much cockiness and ignorance that comes with youth that its funny; and the thing, is the only way you'll walk into the some sort of light is through the experiences that life brings you. Remember when you were growing up? Your parents or other grown ups in your life would try and talk to you about "the road they've already traveled" and you just wouldn't listen? We just had to try things for ourselves , do it our way. Foolishness will tell us, just because its happend to them doesn't mean it will happen to me! Youth tells us we are strong enough to avoid "life" and the things that we must go through to be made. But King Solomon stated well in The book of Eccleasties: there's nothing new under the sun? Meaning, there's nothing happening now, that didn't happen from the beginning of time? Oh, I agree that things in this 21st century may have a few twists to them but the way in which they should be approached is still the same. People are People no matter how old the world gets. And none of us have a monoply on a trials. No condition or situation is that unique. There's always going to be someone in this world that has gone through what you're about to face, so much so, they could write a book about it. Experience and aging are defintitely the best teacher and I'm learning so much. I am only 31 years old and it scares me when I look at people in their fifties and sixites that are still learning hard lessons. Some unprovoked and some they bring on themselves, but however it came about they had to learn from them if they wanted to continue growing, and if they want to make it in this world.

You should never come a time when we say,"that's it." I'm too old to learn anything else! If you're alive, you're going to be taught whether you want it or not!
I use to hear the older people say all the time when I was growing up: You think you've gone through something? You think you've seen it all? Baby... Just keep living. And you know what, I'm just beginning to understand what they meant.

Lord. I would like to think that if God bless me to reach my golden years that I would have learned a whole lot about life and people, what a wasted oppourtunity that would be. We are put on this earth to do God's work, his will and to be a help to one another. But if we refuse to learn and turn, we can't help anybody.

I've learned a lot and recently I've learned that it's important to never assume anything, or jump to conclusions. I've learned that its not smart to judge or speak in depth about a matter unless you know the whole story. And even if you know the whole story, you must decide if what you're saying is necessary to who you're saying it to.

I've learned recently to take the time and listen instead of always having to have an opinion and speaking it. (that part is the hardest) those who know me, know I love to talk and I always got something to express. Whether it be one of my many animated facial expressions or one of my fiesty comments! ( It's made me one of the most misunderstood people I know, but I am still learning). I'm learning there's nothing wrong with being me. God made me the way I am, so instead of trying to snuff that out, I'll just use my fiestiness and boldness to preach his word, to witness, and anywhere else it'll fit into his plan.
My lesson for today was, my comments and opinions are not always necessary. Sometimes people want to know what you have to say and other times they just want to talk. They want to be given the chance to be heard and not have a the hearer always anaylzying everything they say. I've learned that all people want is to be loved, heard and respected. If you can offer them this on a regular basis then you will earn the trust, admiration, and respect of even, your worst enemy!

Feb 22nd 2006
Yesterday served me with some pretty tough blows. I didn't know how I should be feeling, my initial instincts said just break down be a baby you have the right? But the strength that was inside(called Jesus) was urging me to hold my head up high, you're a minister of the gospel, deal with it go through it. And I thought okay I can do this, people go through much worse things. And I get in my car and I start crying some what uncontrollably? My tears didn't want to stop falling, I was hurt. So I had my cry fest and I was okay, I decided its not the end of the world, I can deal with this God is here. And then I wake up the next morning(it should be better right? Wrong!) I got down for prayer and it turns into a cry fest my heart was hurt and I was confused, why God Why, I was really sad and for a minute I wanted to be depressed, sad to say. I thought, you know, I've been strong for a long time, and I am at the end of my rope I just don't understand why I keep running into this very complicated issue with my health?? So after I've cried my self crazy I crawl back into bed(already late getting ready for work)not knowing if I'd get up and go to work. But at the last minute I gathered enough strenght to get my self out of bed get dressed and as I was on my way out the door; I thought I made it, I made it off the floor and out of bed..its going to be a great day. God has not forsaken me and even though I don't understand everything that's going on and why its happening to me Romans 8:28 (and we know that all things work together for the good of them that love the lord, those who are called according to his purpose ) was ringing in my mind. I don't know the why's and whens but i'm alive I love God I want to be all that he wants me to be, I'm more than a conqueror. And went out, and made it through pretty great day at work. And an awesome prayer service at my church, and a dynamic and timely message. Thank you God, thank you for strength because without it, I'd be crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! til next time.