Feb 22nd 2006
Yesterday served me with some pretty tough blows. I didn't know how I should be feeling, my initial instincts said just break down be a baby you have the right? But the strength that was inside(called Jesus) was urging me to hold my head up high, you're a minister of the gospel, deal with it go through it. And I thought okay I can do this, people go through much worse things. And I get in my car and I start crying some what uncontrollably? My tears didn't want to stop falling, I was hurt. So I had my cry fest and I was okay, I decided its not the end of the world, I can deal with this God is here. And then I wake up the next morning(it should be better right? Wrong!) I got down for prayer and it turns into a cry fest my heart was hurt and I was confused, why God Why, I was really sad and for a minute I wanted to be depressed, sad to say. I thought, you know, I've been strong for a long time, and I am at the end of my rope I just don't understand why I keep running into this very complicated issue with my health?? So after I've cried my self crazy I crawl back into bed(already late getting ready for work)not knowing if I'd get up and go to work. But at the last minute I gathered enough strenght to get my self out of bed get dressed and as I was on my way out the door; I thought I made it, I made it off the floor and out of bed..its going to be a great day. God has not forsaken me and even though I don't understand everything that's going on and why its happening to me Romans 8:28 (and we know that all things work together for the good of them that love the lord, those who are called according to his purpose ) was ringing in my mind. I don't know the why's and whens but i'm alive I love God I want to be all that he wants me to be, I'm more than a conqueror. And went out, and made it through pretty great day at work. And an awesome prayer service at my church, and a dynamic and timely message. Thank you God, thank you for strength because without it, I'd be crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! til next time.