WOW, I learned an interesting lesson today. It was how to hold your peace when you are the special guest of a character bashing party! Note to self: Very hard, didn't like it, began to second guess my own character. You know people can have you feeling pretty evil for speaking the truth, and sometimes speaking what they are feeling but lack the boldness to say. So I'm apart of this message board for all the women who were chosen for a scholarship for IVF. As you saw in one of my previous postings I am pretty excited about that. Well after we were chosen we found out a few days later that before ivf cycles or clinic matching could begin we had to help raise a few thousand dollars in partnership with the non profit that is giving us the scholarship. Immediately I thought, "okay we have to help them raise money before they will give us what they said we'd been chosen for already." It felt like we had won the lottery with a disclamer attached it. I was some what skeptical at first about that just a little. I was looking forward to getting started right away. But my husband and I definitely could understand why it was important to be apart of this fundraiser since it was an issue that is dear to our hearts. They also said they would help all scholarship recipients raise their money. So I thought that's not bad at all! Ivf is very expensive this is a small price to pay and it is for a very important cause. LIFE! So I immedaitely began to think of how I could get the ball rolling for donations. I soon began to notice several post from young women who had been trying to raise their money for 4 months? And they were voicing their frustrations with it on the board. They were saying they had stalled in their efforts, no one was donated as much or as quickly as they had hoped to the fundraiser and all and all they sound very disappointed and somewhat defeated. I thought, what a let down? These women have waited many years, (as I have) to become parents. Some had given up hope of ever becoming a parent, and they get the news from the program that they have been chosen for the scholarship and they are overjoyed! But now, 4 months down the road they are still waiting(that's 4 periods, 4 more months of crying,4 more months of pain if you have endo, 4 more months of avoiding family functions and outings, kiddie birthday parties etc). because they haven't been able to raise all of their money???? BOOOOO, where's the help? I didn't like that. So I posted to the board that I'd be praying for all of those who were having problems. I also wanted to know some of the women's feelings about this waiting period. I also said this almost feel like a tease. In my opinion it really dos. Not saying that they were actually teasing us with the opportunity to become parents, but it "felt like a tease". Well the founders were not happy with my comment at all, they said they were hurt by it, and felt like I was wrong to say what I did, they also proceeded to list a long resume of thyeir efforts and cost to make this thing happen, and proceeded to say if this isn't for me maybe I shouldn't be apart of it? WOW, so much for being open about infertility struggles within a group that understands?? I understand they must jump through massive hoops and make sacrifices to make this dream a reality for so many families who otherwise would not have a chance. But excuse me? Is this not an open forum for women with similar struggles to talk about their feelings along this journey? One where we can be open and honest? What I said was not derogatory or belittling in any way,nor was it rude. I simply posted an honest feeling. The founders posting was soon followed by a ton of other emails from women who were backing her up, one woman asked, "Why would you say that" Some thought I was not appreciative of what I was getting and the list goes on and on. I so wanted to shoot an email back! Here I was trying to relate to the struggles of these women who have waited all their lives to have children and were denied, they recently get a break but its dangling in front of them like a carrot on a string! And they can't have it because they are not finished raising money, when the program offered to help support them in the fundraiser? So I had a simple question. When do they offer help or has that happened, and that this feels like a teaser. Only one very courageous woman came to my defense and admitted that she understands where I'm coming from and she admitted that it felt like a tease to her as well, and she commended me for speaking up, she also said even though she has almost finished her commitment that it was very hard, she also said its about time somebody was for real, she said these emotions are real emotions it doesn't take away from what the founders are doing at all, and if we can't post our real emotions(good with the bad) on the board then why are we on there?. My husband also made a similar post on my behalf. (which they have not published yet) When I read all of those negative comments towards me, I thought wow. When people feel like someone has all the butter to their bread, they will eat cheese and make pretend like all is well until they can get what they want from them, and I have never been like that EVER. I was very respectful. I sent an apology to the founders out of respect because they said my comment hurt them, but I did not take back the comment. I didn't say "oh that's not what I meant, because it was what I meant?" I apologized that they were hurt and that may way of trying to relate may have been inappropriate(to them) I thank God that I didn't have to defend my self, God did it for me. Truth and being bold is never popular, I learned today that when we venture out to make a bold statement, its a risk ( because you never know what response you'll get) , and if we take the risk we better be sure that we can stand our ground when the bullets come flying back. If you know that your motives were right and you spoke the truth in Love..There's no reason to take it back? You can apologize for their hurt, but its still true. Those women on that board tried to make me seem ungrateful and like an evil person for saying what I said, all while making them selves look really good.(hum) But I know what they are really feeling, And I didn't have to say a word God did it for me! Thanks Darius and Thanks Alison R. And Thank you God.